Subscribe by RSSCatch 22 - Can you be a Father if your children don’t know you exist?
First of all I would like to take a bit of time to explain that I love all of my children and would do anything for them. This is just a question for everyone, and I will try to explain things as easy as I can with my lack of English skills.
My mother is going to see my two Children on Sunday as it was my Son Jack’s Birthday. She has not seen them for awhile as she is heavily depressed, and finds it hard enough getting out of bed lately.
She just told me that my Ex ex (Steph) has asked me to send some money over. I would love to send money to my children but have now been told by my Solicitors to keep money I would normally send my children and put it into a savings account.
The reason I am so stuck with this situation is because I feel like “Why the hell should I send money” but i also see the “They are your children” which is why I did send them money before… And ended up paying TWICE as my ex ex lied about me sending money.
I have not seen my Son for over a year now, I never get a Chirstmas card, Birthday card, Fathers day card or even photos… but my ex still expects me to do everything a normal father would do… but I don’t get anything a father should get.
Even before all the crap that is going on in my life started she was a evil bitch. I had my Daughter who was “3″ at the time tell me “Mummy told me you was dead”! And then I had them used as pawns to get me to do everything she wanted. She would tell me to travel for 2 hours to pick them up only to not be there (This happened more times then I can remember), and then phone me to tell me she would not turn up.
I would not see any of my children for months and months and have no updates or anything… I would be told my Son was in hospital and could die only to find out he was never there! I would phone every hospital Bristol only to have nothing. And then when my Son was in hospital I would be told I could not see him.
I know the money I will send will only be spent on crap like she always does. The amount of money she just spent on eating out was crazy! I would rather send the toys or whatever with my mum… But I have been asked to send MONEY!
So what would you do? Send the money? Put the money away in savings? Or just do whatever she wants as I normally do?
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Jul 12, 2008 - 01:07:46I would not send the money. Mainly because you know it would not go to the kids anyway. Take the advice given and put it into some sort of savings.
Now, the reason I am answering your post is because in a certain way my husband are in the same boat as you. We are not being kept from seeing our grandkids by anyone, but we live in WA state and they live in California. I share your feeling of them not knowing us. And by God, we ARE worth knowing. I am sure you are worth knowing too.
I can’t change how things are right now, and I guess you can’t either. This might sound goofy, or a waste of time, but I am going to write to my grandkids in a journal. I write to them via snail mail too, but just so they don’t forget us. What I am saying is to write your kids now, even though you think you will never forget how you feel right now. Keep writing, and they will be able to read it someday and know how you felt. I am not sure of the laws in the UK, but I think here in the US when the kids reach 14 (correct me if I am wrong someone!) they can choose which parent to live with.
Yes, I have not offered a lot of solace, but it is what you can do right now. I really feel for your mom and her depression. It hurts more than anyone knows. Maybe she would feel better if she did some journal writing too. At least she would have the knowledge that her grandkids would know her a little bit too.
Kids should not be strangers to the people who love them. That could be debated, but you know what I mean.
Evil bitch! ur children will 1day understand and hate her for all time. I hated my mum when I found out what she did 2 my dad and I still do.
Ill gt u through it Lee
I was the child in such a case as yours; however, my mom didn’t want any money or contact from my father. Looking back, I wish he had at least sent me a birthday card. He completely dropped out of my life. It was devastating.
Fatherhood isn’t about YOU and what YOU can GET, it’s about the children. Forget about sending money– send them gifts instead. ALWAYS remember their birthday. Even if the mom hides the gifts and the cards. Write them letters (and not about how you feel or how the mother is so evil) about your life, and ask about theirs. The kids are the ones suffering here. They are caught in the middle and are forced to take sides. Be the father, not the child, and sacrifice your desires for them. The kids may not appreciate it or understand it at first, but they will eventually.
oh my!.. that is really sad:( that makes my heart break..
I also think it is better to send gifts instead of money.. to think that your ex ex is just spending it.. that evil bitch don’t deserve your money!.. to think that she even told your daughter that your dead!.. what kind of mother she is!!!..
hope things will get better between you and your children..
Hubby is in the same situation with his son. However he has no choice but to send money for child support. His ex refuses visitation. Hubby refuses to go back to court to get visitation because he fears she will ask for more money and we are barely making it now. As long as you don’t have a court order to send money…I would send gifts. We send cards to his son on holidays and birthdays only to have them come back. We are keeping everything. The idea of putting the money you would send into an account is a great idea! I hope I have helped even though I’m a few days late.