Comments on: Catch 22 - Can you be a Father if your children don’t know you exist?

By: Momto4kidsny

Momto4kidsny — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:27:58 +0000

Hubby is in the same situation with his son. However he has no choice but to send money for child support. His ex refuses visitation. Hubby refuses to go back to court to get visitation because he fears she will ask for more money and we are barely making it now. As long as you don’t have a court order to send money…I would send gifts. We send cards to his son on holidays and birthdays only to have them come back. We are keeping everything. The idea of putting the money you would send into an account is a great idea! I hope I have helped even though I’m a few days late.

By: ghing

ghing — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:46:23 +0000

oh my!.. that is really sad:( that makes my heart break..

I also think it is better to send gifts instead of money.. to think that your ex ex is just spending it.. that evil bitch don’t deserve your money!.. to think that she even told your daughter that your dead!.. what kind of mother she is!!!..

hope things will get better between you and your children..

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:20:06 +0000

I was the child in such a case as yours; however, my mom didn’t want any money or contact from my father. Looking back, I wish he had at least sent me a birthday card. He completely dropped out of my life. It was devastating.

Fatherhood isn’t about YOU and what YOU can GET, it’s about the children. Forget about sending money– send them gifts instead. ALWAYS remember their birthday. Even if the mom hides the gifts and the cards. Write them letters (and not about how you feel or how the mother is so evil) about your life, and ask about theirs. The kids are the ones suffering here. They are caught in the middle and are forced to take sides. Be the father, not the child, and sacrifice your desires for them. The kids may not appreciate it or understand it at first, but they will eventually.

By: Becky

Becky — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:03:36 +0000

Evil bitch! ur children will 1day understand and hate her for all time. I hated my mum when I found out what she did 2 my dad and I still do.

Ill gt u through it Lee

By: Carol

Carol — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 00:34:46 +0000

I would not send the money. Mainly because you know it would not go to the kids anyway. Take the advice given and put it into some sort of savings.

Now, the reason I am answering your post is because in a certain way my husband are in the same boat as you. We are not being kept from seeing our grandkids by anyone, but we live in WA state and they live in California. I share your feeling of them not knowing us. And by God, we ARE worth knowing. I am sure you are worth knowing too.

I can’t change how things are right now, and I guess you can’t either. This might sound goofy, or a waste of time, but I am going to write to my grandkids in a journal. I write to them via snail mail too, but just so they don’t forget us. What I am saying is to write your kids now, even though you think you will never forget how you feel right now. Keep writing, and they will be able to read it someday and know how you felt. I am not sure of the laws in the UK, but I think here in the US when the kids reach 14 (correct me if I am wrong someone!) they can choose which parent to live with.

Yes, I have not offered a lot of solace, but it is what you can do right now. I really feel for your mom and her depression. It hurts more than anyone knows. Maybe she would feel better if she did some journal writing too. At least she would have the knowledge that her grandkids would know her a little bit too.

Kids should not be strangers to the people who love them. That could be debated, but you know what I mean.