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Suicide
The past few weeks have been very very hard for me. I keep trying to write things down on here but am just finding it so fing hard.
A friend of me committed suicide last week, and I have just found it so hard to cope with. I find it hard because I can understand why he did it… In some ways I am envious of him. He has peace now and will no longer spend every day hurting and living in pain.
I knew he was going to do it… I did try to stop him (Like I do with many people) and even though I tried so hard to talk him out of it, I could really understand why he was like he was.
He has not seen his children for 2 years. He is in Family court every month and is meant to have access to see his own children. He has had a court order to see them every other weekend for over 6 months… But every time he drives to pick them up they are never there.
I have stayed up many times talking to him and sometimes it is like talking to myself. He would give me photos of his daughter and tell me “This is what she looked like the last time I saw her” and then tell me “I don’t even know if I would recognize her anymore” to which I can relate.
He tried so hard to stick to the rules and went through all the right channels. He would wait all month for his time in court only to have his ex not turn up. He would drive the 2hours to go and pick his children up…. Even though he knew they would never be there.
He tried so hard, and now he is dead. I know he killed himself… but it was really the courts, laws, and his ex who killed him. You can only kick a man down so many times…
He told me he was at breaking point and he did not know what he would do. He told me he felt like killing some people and was no longer sure that he could control himself. He was very frustrated with everything and felt powerless. He was a nervous wreck and had lost so much weight that many people never knew who he was anymore.
He would tell me how he found it hard going to public places because he would see families and they would remind him of his own that was taken from him.
His last words: “I only ever wanted to me a good dad. I tried but had it taken away from me. I never did anything wrong apart from trying to keep my marriage alive. Now I will never see my children again. I cant cope anymore”
If you liked this post subscribe to the RSS feedPosted on : Aug 19 2008
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Tags: a anymore, away, breaking point, Children, court, courts, dad, dads, daughter, day, dead, ever, family, fing, for, how, keep, kick, kill, killed, last time, law, live, living in pain, look, lost, man, nervous wreck, over, pain, past, peace, photos, pick, picks, publicity, rights, stop, suicide, taken, talk, talking, time, weekend, which, why, wrong, you
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14 Responses to “Suicide”
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Jane
Rebellious Arab Girl
Eerik
fragileheart
Um...Yum!
August 19th, 2008 at 5:01 am
Sorry to hear about your friend. Albert Camus wrote that a person is never truly alive who hasn’t contemplated suicide. Why? Because if you haven’t, your living passively–alive simply because you got born, something you had absolutely no control over. If you’ve contemplated suicide but not gone through with it, however, you’ve made a choice to live. Think of that when you think about how appealing suicide looks–that simply saying “no” to it can give a new meaning to your life.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:04 am
I like that. I have tried once. I never backed out… I was found by a family member.
I am now glad I never though… but the thought is always there.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I am sorry to this. Three years ago I also lost a friend. He hanged himself.Until now I could not believe he did it.He is a person with strong character.We,his friends refused to talk about this unfortunate event.I can feel your sorrow.Only Prayers can help us in trying times like this.
August 19th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Lee Doyle, look at your post. You tried, but now you are glad you didn’t………
Anyone contemplating suicide needs to understand that life-situations are temporary. Every situation is subject to change and indeed will change. Your friend may be at peace, but his children are not. They will live with the pain of his death for the rest of their lives. Even though he was estranged from his children by the courts, or his wife, that was not the end of the story in his children’s eyes. Had I not had access to my father when I was a child, I would have lived for the day when outside influences could no longer keep me away from the most important person in my life. I wish your friend would have known that, and prepared for that day of unification. It would have been sublime for all involved. Now it will never occur. That is heartbreaking, and I weep for his children.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Man, that’s rough. My Father in Law committed suicide and I blame him for taking away a grandfather to my kids. Totally selfish, but I guess that doesn’t matter to them when they are gone.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I applaud you for speaking out
about your friend’s suicide, and
the pressures that caused him to
resort to that. I also can relate…
I’ve lusted for death at times, and
did make an attempt as a teenager.
More recently, back in 1993, my
younger sister killed herself,
as did a cousin and one of my
grandfathers when I was a kid.
I understand the impulse. I wish
peace to all those who are feeling
it.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Many times during the years I have been blogging, I have considered writing about the nightmare we survived in the early years of our marriage pertaining to my husband’s ex-wife and daughter. Basically, the marriage was nearly over before it began. It was so ugly that my husband had to give up any thought of ever having a relationship with his daughter because he literally had to choose between her and his unborn child (our oldest son). His ex-wife would permit no other route because of her out-of-control conduct and the failure of the family law court to do anything about it. I am not one to air dirty laundry in public, but it is a topic that I am feeling is remote enough now to be discussed and you have inspired me to begin writing about our experiences in order to help others.
Yes, his daughter showed up on our step several years later and he did not recognize her. And no, he has no relationship with her and has not seen her for many years now because, eventually, of her own behavior as she grew into adulthood. It is a sad situation.
Your friend’s death is a tragedy beyond comprehension and I am sorry for your loss. However, he obviously needed psychiatric care as does anyone who contemplates taking his/her own life. If he left children behind, he has damaged them immeasurably at the expense of his own peace and that is a whole other tragedy. I hope that you will be able to help them in the months and years to come as a way of honoring and remembering your friend.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:48 am
I don’t feel one iota of sympathy for your friend or you. Your friend was a coward and took the easy way out.
I only feel sorry for his children for having a loser for a father who couldn’t handle life. Contrary to what anybody wants to say “There are always two sides to every story - and then there’s the truth”. Parents who put their children in the middle of custody battles are losers and deserve to be smacked upside the head.
Why do I feel this way? My mother was a coward who killed herself when I was 5 years old because my dad was going to get custody because my of my mother’s heroin addiction. She took off with my brother and I and sold her snatch for dope with us in the sleazy hotel rooms then she hung herself in the bathroom one night and I was the one who found her.
5 years old.
Anytime any of my so-called friends talks about suicide, they get two things - #1 a punch in the head and #2 a loss of my friendship.
btw, what was your friend doped up on? Usually suicides are drug or alcohol abusers. Like I said, two sides to every story and then there’s the truth.
Maybe you need to check into a treatment program.
August 21st, 2008 at 2:58 am
You have no idea what your talking about. Just because of what happened to you and your life does not mean it is the same for everyone else.
This guy did not take any drugs (He was in the Air Force) and did not drink. He never put his children through anything. The person who put them through pain was the mother and the courts.
The courts could not keep to what they were saying and enforce their own ruling. Because of this the children never got to see their own dad. The mother is to blame mostly…. But until your in a situation like this you have no idea what it is like.
You judge people without having any understanding. I think it is you who needs the punch in the side of the head.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:18 am
If things got that bad that the thought of suicide even crossed my mind I would start writing my thoughts down and walk away from the whole lot including those 2 hour trips. I’d focus on the day those kids were old enough to make up their own mind, then I would contact them again. When the time was right I’d share the journal I’d kept of my thoughts over the years we were apart.
Death is final and his kids may never know why their father took this path, just that he chose suicide over being a part of their life in the future.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:43 am
You make a very good point. I dont agree with just writing things down and waiting because that is just not going to solve anything… Nor is Suicide which is why i agree with you.
The only fact me and many dads hold onto is waiting for the day that the children can make their own minds up. This is sad and is what pains us most.
We will never get the time back with our children and they will never get it with us. It will damage the children not having both parents.
This is one reason i wrote this. My friend is now gone… I cant do anything about that anymore. Maybe this can teach some other people not to do the same… And that people are in the same situation as they are.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:11 am
To Lee:
Just to let you know- I work
with ‘at risk’ youth, ages 16
- 24. Quite a few of them, for
one reason or another, grew up
with only one parent. And VERY
often, one of their goals is to
find and contact the parent that
has been missing from their life.
To ‘Spartan’:
It was very harsh, what happened to
you when you were a child. No child
should experience that. Sadly, the
judgements you now make, as a result
of your experiences, are just as harsh.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:25 am
Thanks jay.
This is one of the issues that the courts and some parents do not understand. They are toying with childrens lives and future. I grew up without a father and it effected me big time. one reason i am fighting so much to see my children is so they do not have to go through what I did… and if i can change things my Son might not have to go through these things.
The courts always tell me they are doing what is best for the children… but in reality they are doing what is best for them and what keeps them in a job. If all parents could work things out without having courts and services interfere they would be out of jobs.
They are damaging children beyond repair. It is a vicious circle that needs to stop
August 21st, 2008 at 10:34 am
Yes, I agree with you, Lee.
If only everyone would put
the CHILDREN’s best interests
first. It seems so obvious, but
it’s sadly lacking in what goes
on these days in many cases.
Good luck to you, and your kids.
- Jaya