Its my Son jacks birthday…. Ive not seen him for over a year now and from what I am told I would not even recognise him if I did see him (A lot like my daughter who I have never seen). I don’t really like to find out much about him any more, so when my mum goes to see him I try not to let her tell me much… It is not that I don’t care about him… It is just I cant bare to know what I am missing and I find it hard enough coping without my children let alone knowing all the wonderful things I am missing.

The last time I held Jack he could not walk, talk and was only just growing teeth, he was the most quite baby I have ever known… He looked just like me apart from his amazing eyes which he got from his mother (See I can say nice things about her). I always remember how Faith (My eldest daughter) use to take toys off him and he would get mad and grab them back. He would scream at her and make her know she cant boss him around… I wonder how they get on now.

The last time I tried to give any of my children any money I had it thrown in my face. I was told not to bother and had a Solicitor patronise me about how it MAY LOOK in court. So I guess i shall just have to put the money aside from now on. Id love to buy him things but the truth is I don’t know if I could even look at toys for him… Let alone buy him anything.

Happy Birthday Jack, I will try to make it up to you one day.