Suicide

The past few weeks have been very very  hard for me. I keep trying to write things down on here but am just finding it so fing hard.

A friend of me committed suicide last week, and I have just found it so hard to cope with. I find it hard because I can understand why he did it… In some ways I am envious of him. He has peace now and will no longer spend every day hurting and living in pain.

I knew he was going to do it… I did try to stop him (Like I do with many people) and even though I tried so hard to talk him out of it, I could really understand why he was like he was.

He has not seen his children for 2 years. He is in Family court every month and is meant to have access to see his own children. He has had a court order to see them every other weekend for over 6 months… But every time he drives to pick them up they are never there.

I have stayed up many times talking to him and sometimes it is like talking to myself. He would give me photos of his daughter and tell me “This is what she looked like the last time I saw her” and then tell me “I don’t even know if I would recognize her anymore” to which I can relate.

He tried so hard to stick to the rules and went through all the right channels. He would wait all month for his time in court only to have his ex not turn up. He would drive the 2hours to go and pick his children up…. Even though he knew they would never be there.

He tried so hard, and now he is dead. I know he killed himself… but it was really the courts, laws, and his ex who killed him. You can only kick a man down so many times…

He told me he was at breaking point and he did not know what he would do. He told me he felt like killing some people and was no longer sure that he could control himself. He was very frustrated with everything and felt powerless. He was a nervous wreck and had lost so much weight that many people never knew who he was anymore.

He would tell me how he found it hard going to public places because he would see families and they would remind him of his own that was taken from him.

His last words: “I only ever wanted to me a good dad. I tried but had it taken away from me. I never did anything wrong apart from trying to keep my marriage alive. Now I will never see my children again. I cant cope anymore”

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Catch 22 - Can you be a Father if your children don’t know you exist?

First of all I would like to take a bit of time to explain that I love all of my children and would do anything for them. This is just a question for everyone, and I will try to explain things as easy as I can with my lack of English skills.

My mother is going to see my two Children on Sunday as it was my Son Jack’s Birthday. She has not seen them for awhile as she is heavily depressed, and finds it hard enough getting out of bed lately.

She just told me that my Ex ex (Steph) has asked me to send some money over. I would love to send money to my children but have now been told  by my Solicitors to keep money I would normally send my children and put it into a savings account.

The reason I am so stuck with this situation is because I feel like “Why the hell should I send money” but i also see the “They are your children” which is why I did send them money before… And ended up paying TWICE as my ex ex lied about me sending money.

I have not seen my Son for over a year now, I never get a Chirstmas card, Birthday card, Fathers day card or even photos… but my ex still expects me to do everything a normal father would do… but I don’t get anything a father should get.

Even before all the crap that is going on in my life started she was a evil bitch. I had my Daughter who was “3″ at the time tell me “Mummy told me you was dead”! And then I had them used as pawns to get me to do everything she wanted. Read more »

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RIP Netscape

Netscape browser has been dropped by AOL and has now ended. Tom Drapeau posted on the Netscape blog that its all over and Netscape will be unsupported.

At one point Netscape had around 90% of Internet users using the browser but once Microsoft started shipping windows with Internet Explorer the public just switched without even thinking. When AOL took over Netscape I think it ended Netscape’s future and in many peoples eyes they sold out.

With FireFox now running the alternative browser race and most of the old Netscape staff working for them it was just time before AOL dropped the bloated software.

Even though I have not used Netscape for many many years it is sad to see the once cool piece of software retired. I hope people soon start to use other browsers and learn that you do not need IE to browse the net, and other browsers offer so much more.

R.I.P. Netscape
Links:
Netscape Blog

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