Suicide

The past few weeks have been very very  hard for me. I keep trying to write things down on here but am just finding it so fing hard.

A friend of me committed suicide last week, and I have just found it so hard to cope with. I find it hard because I can understand why he did it… In some ways I am envious of him. He has peace now and will no longer spend every day hurting and living in pain.

I knew he was going to do it… I did try to stop him (Like I do with many people) and even though I tried so hard to talk him out of it, I could really understand why he was like he was.

He has not seen his children for 2 years. He is in Family court every month and is meant to have access to see his own children. He has had a court order to see them every other weekend for over 6 months… But every time he drives to pick them up they are never there.

I have stayed up many times talking to him and sometimes it is like talking to myself. He would give me photos of his daughter and tell me “This is what she looked like the last time I saw her” and then tell me “I don’t even know if I would recognize her anymore” to which I can relate.

He tried so hard to stick to the rules and went through all the right channels. He would wait all month for his time in court only to have his ex not turn up. He would drive the 2hours to go and pick his children up…. Even though he knew they would never be there.

He tried so hard, and now he is dead. I know he killed himself… but it was really the courts, laws, and his ex who killed him. You can only kick a man down so many times…

He told me he was at breaking point and he did not know what he would do. He told me he felt like killing some people and was no longer sure that he could control himself. He was very frustrated with everything and felt powerless. He was a nervous wreck and had lost so much weight that many people never knew who he was anymore.

He would tell me how he found it hard going to public places because he would see families and they would remind him of his own that was taken from him.

His last words: “I only ever wanted to me a good dad. I tried but had it taken away from me. I never did anything wrong apart from trying to keep my marriage alive. Now I will never see my children again. I cant cope anymore”

Subscribe to the comments for this post

Dreams of the past - Poem

Lost In Dreams by `gilad

Its been close to a year now, since they took it all away,
Ripped my heart right from my chest, and forced me to stay at bay,

Missing so many loved ones, while dreaming of past days,
Forgetting how much I loved her, and the memories that become a haze,

I hate myself for wanting her, the feelings should have gone away,
But there is nothing bad in remembering the times, and wanting them to stay,

I’ll hold onto hope as much as I can, just praying its not just me,
To wake up and to see your face, just the way its meant to be.

I’ve changed so much and lost my way, but its not all that sad,
I’ve learnt so much, coped so well, not everything has been that bad,

I dream of you almost every day, its the waking that I hate,
If I had only one word to say, its a simple one, its really just to “wait”

By Lee Doyle

The Works: Every Kind of Poem You Will Ever Need for the Literacy Hour

Subscribe to the comments for this post

Should the media be able to ruin peoples lives?

I have been on the blunt end of the media a few times in the last few years, and have seen the damage they can do. I was just reading about Robert Murat who was accused of kidnapping Madeleine McCann. He had his life ruined by the media and they never had a shred of evidence to back anything up. They tore into this mans personal life and made him guilty till proven innocent.

Is this the day and age we live in now? A world run my the media? They have the power to turn anything into a witch hunt without anything to stop them. Do we all really believe in everything we are spoonfead these days? Is it true if we read it in the papers or see it on TV?

When I have dealt with the media in the past they always give me the line “We have a right to report the news” and “We are just doing our job”.

This is what Waffen-SS said when they murdered millions of Innocent people. I know they are not murdering people, but they do put peoples lives at risk with the words that they use. They have no laws and only care about the story and not what happens after.

Robert Murat life has been destroyed at the hands of just a few people… But millions of people read these stories and made this innocent man go into hiding. He has just won £600K from the newspapers which I hope can do some healing to his life. But will this money give him back the time he lost? Will it heal any emotional damage it has caused him and the people around him? No. We also need to think about how much they made from ruining this mans life, and how much have they made from all the other peoples lives they ruin everyday?

It makes me sick when I see these newspapers and magazines on the shelves which sole purpose is to make people feel bad. You just have to walk into a newspaper shop to see “Britney gets a big bum!” or “Winehouse punches a man in the face”!

These are the types of stories that hit the front page! We have our own men and women dying in unjust wars, people starving to death, and children being murdered on our own streets! BAre we are now conditioned to care more about someones sweat patches at the Oscars then anything that effects us in real life?

It really upsets me to see how much control the media have over us now. They distate what we think and what we know… We really are living in George Orwel’s vision of Big Brother now.

Subscribe to the comments for this post